A List of Things I Am Afraid of (Abridged)


1. That my boyfriend will change his mind and stop loving me

2. That my boyfriend will tell me he never actually loved me and is leaving me for someone named Ira, who I will eventually meet while testing a karaoke machine just a little too enthusiastically in a Sharper Image Store, like what happened to Billy Crystal in “When Harry Met Sally”

3. That my boyfriend will get hurt somehow

4. That my parents will get hurt somehow

5. Food poisoning

6. My phone dying

7. Drowning

8. Heights

9. My student loans

10. Snakes being near me, and further, the fact that I live in a world which contains snakes

11. Sleep deprivation

12. Cancer

13. Hospitals

14. That someone will notice that I have not washed my hair recently and will judge me

15. That possibly I leave my mascara on when I sleep too often, and so consequently all my eyelashes may fall out one day in protest

16. Dogs not liking me

17. Not saving adequately for retirement

18. Sunburns

19. Bird flu

20. Blood clots

21. That I will alienate the people who care about me by being too intense and argumentative and they will never say outright that I have upset them, but slowly, over the course of several years, we will grow apart and I will never ever understand why

22. Bees