“Love what you do, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” I think we all got some version of this as kids, along with the usual “you can be anything you want to be!” Which, like, no you can’t. I would love to be a hobbit and spend my entire life frolicking the countryside munching on impossibly perfect and crunchy apples, but that’s just not going to happen. Not in this economy. It’s been so much harder for me to find a job that I enjoy than anyone led me to believe.
It’s funny because just a few years ago, I remember I was always complaining to my friends about going on terrible dates all the time and never meeting anyone I liked, and how I was probably doomed to spinsterhood because no boys liked me and I didn’t like any boys. I would have to resign myself to dying alone and unloved as a hermit witch. But even though I never really thought I’d get the boy, I was always pretty sure the job thing would work itself out, no sweat. I thought of myself like Bridget Jones. Even if my love life was lackluster, I would have a cool job in publishing, and if a boy managed to mess that up, I’d run out and get a job in television! It all seemed pretty doable. Romance is impossible to control, but career stuff was in my hands, so it would be fine.
Except that’s not how anything has turned out! As of the writing of this, I have an amazing boyfriend and super supportive parents and good friends (albeit long distance ones), and so much love in my life! But I am absolutely LOST in my search for the perfect job. And now it’s like the same old dating blues. Except worse, because when you meet a guy and go out for a few weeks and then he turns out not to be as cool as his online presence was, you can totally stop seeing him right away. But a job? Not so much. They have your health insurance. And your rent. And so now I’m finding myself always on the phone moaning to my friends about how I just want that one perfect job that’s supportive of my dreams and gives me attention but also gives me space and listens politely when I really need to talk about “The Crown” and how terrible all the royal men are. Is that so much to ask for?
I think it's just some sort of rule of human existence that happiness is fleeting. Once you get something you want really badly, it's only a matter of time before you find something else in your life that's lacking, some other imperfect area to work at. Homeostasis is the enemy of bliss. But there's something to be said as well, I think, for knowing that there's still something more to perfect, something more to do, some greater level to strive for. It must be horrendously boring to reach a level at which there's no goal left to reach for. So right now I don't always love what I do. But hopefully one day I will. And when that happens, I'll have to find a new goal to strive for. And that's sort of fun, if you think about it.